Saturday, February 4, 2012

Don't Say the D-word.


Here I was, sitting bored, when the thought occurred to me: I’m not really interested in my blogs anymore. It was surprisingly startling to me, especially given the recent weeks in which I’ve been reading only to keep the unread count manageable. Sure, they’re interesting still. My favorite writers haven’t changed very much; I have.

I thought on this news with a small inking of hope. Maybe this means I’m at the threshold of a new phase, one marked by productivity and prolific blogging and fabulous mothering. Then I thought again. That sounds like a lot of work. Tired all the time? Check (though unnoticed, what with the three-month-old who doesn’t nap long enough for me to fall asleep). Unmotivated? Check. Uninterested in things that used to interest me? Check. Irritable? Holy cow, check-check-check. Irrationally anxious? Check. Hopeless? Not quite there yet. At least not all the time.

I really don’t want to be dealing with life and the many challenges it presents. And yet, life goes on.

Enough about the symptoms. How do I fix this case of the doldrums?

Step number one: exercise. I know that. I may hate the fact that that’s the best first step, but I know it. After that, I’m not sure. I don’t want to go out and join new, fun groups (being with people and making conversation can be stressful. I don’t even answer the phone if I can). I don’t have the money to join the Y or something like that. But mostly, I just don’t want to put out effort. I am tired. Uncomfortable things, though good for my health, are still uncomfortable. Any thoughts, internet?

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